Do You Adapt Well In New Social Settings?
Chameleons are lizards that are famous for their ability to change their colors and fit in as their environments require. This ability enables them to change themselves for safety, survival, and healthy well-being. Their colors adjust to reflect their mood, their surroundings, and as camouflage when necessary. Fossils prove they have been on this planet for over 80 million years, so they must be doing something right. Their innate ability for adaptability deserves appreciation, respect, and further consideration. It obviously works! How can being a social chameleon help you not just survive, but thrive?
Humans also utilize this talent when they change themselves to fit in and win social approval. As with most anything in life, there are polar opposites for this behavior. On one hand, a social chameleon will adapt with grace, integrity, and discretion to make others feel comfortable, get along, and communicate on their level. On the other hand, however, social chameleons can be socially shallow, disingenuous, phony, or pander to the whims of others to achieve the approval they seek or get what they want.
Two Schools of Thought on Social Chameleons
One perception about the chameleon effect believes that social chameleons are inauthentic and will “change their stripes” to fit in with other people regardless of their true identity. In his book, “ Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ,” Daniel Goleman states, “Social chameleons, though, don’t mind in the least saying one thing and doing another, if that will win them social approval. They simply live with the discrepancy between their public face and their private reality.” He continues in saying “Such people try to scan someone for a hint as to what is wanted from them before they make a response, rather than simply saying what they truly feel.”
Another perception, however, recognizes that social chameleons expertly navigate different scenarios while cognizant of their environment and behave accordingly. Do you have different groups of friends who do not know each other and are radically different from each other, yet you are able to move among your friends, connecting and communicating with ease?
My grandfather, Dr. James Cullison, was a self-made man who was only 9 years old when his mother died of the Pandemic Flu. His 12 year old sister assumed the role of the “mother” to raise the three younger children while their father worked their farm to support the family. He aspired to go to college and create a better life, so with determination, self discipline, and hard work, he eventually graduated from Yale University with a Doctorate in Geology. As a petroleum geologist, he and my grandmother traveled the world, living in foreign lands employed by global oil companies. From the rolling green hills of southern Illinois to the desert of Dubai to the rainforests of Caracas, Venezuela, my grandfather navigated and adapted as the world required. He later became Chair of the Department of Geology as a professor at Florida State University.
My grandfather was a very successful social chameleon. His ability to connect and communicate with people of different cultures, different languages, and different backgrounds enabled him to make the right connections to get the job done and to create lifelong friendships throughout the world.
My friend Lenee says, “Everyone has a little bit of everyone else within them. All of our character traits, even if we are opposites, have small pieces that compliment others. She calls it, “Having a little bit of everybody in everybody.” I call it a sharing of the human experience. Look for ways to connect, rather than divide. Whether is a person is a CEO or janitor, we all have experiences and qualities that led us to be who we are and where we are.
When my children were small, I went to pick up my daughter from her best friend’s slumber party. Their charming home was small and humble, but filled with love, laughter, and a wonderful authentic family. When we arrived home, she got showered and redressed to go to yet another friend’s home for a birthday party. When I pulled into the driveway, it was a palatial million dollar waterfront residence. Without even feeling a speed bump, she navigated lovingly from one environment to the next, adapting and realigning with ease regardless of the circumstance or environment.
Whether it is in your personal or professional life, being a gracious social chameleon is often essential to connect, communicate, and adapt to the norms of the tribe. “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”
Think about when you’re hanging out with a bunch of parents or hanging out with business people or your husband. The ability to navigate successfully for different environments is a real talent. Emotional flexibility and adaptability are the keys to healthy mental well-being.
As you can read at www.MindTools.com/CommSkll/FirstImpression.htm, you can usually create a good impression without total conformity or losing your own individuality. Yes, to make a good impression you do need to “fit in” to some degree. But it all goes back to being appropriate for the situation.
So, obviously there is a constructive and positive path to being a social chameleon to win friends, influence people and nurture quality relationships. How? Stay real, authentic, and be true to yourself. Strive to be sensitive and empathetic to the needs and customs of others so that you can adapt, thrive, and succeed.
“The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact” is an upcoming book by Motivational Keynote Speaker and Leadership Trainer Susan Young. Susan runs the speaking and training firm, Susan Young International. She helps organizations leverage the power of change to improve positivity and performance so they may THRIVE, PROSPER & SUCCEED. With a Master’s Degree in Human Performance, she is writing books and a series of tools to help people MOVE FROM TRANSITION TO TRANSFORMATION. As a result of her work, people share how motivated they are to shed what is holding them back and reach a new level of potential to live a life they love. To hire Susan for your next event, please visit www.susancyoung.com.
