Why Readdress? It opens the door for healthy communication; to help, heal, clarify, and gain understanding.
Do you sometimes feel like your lines get crossed and misunderstanding ensues? My book Release the Power of Re3 (www.ReleasethePowerofRe3.com) was born out of a conversation my adult children wanted to have with me regarding the events of their father’s tragic and untimely death several years before. Not only did they want a better understanding, but they also needed to express how my communication skills, or lack thereof, had impacted them.
Since each of us processes life events differently, my viewpoint did not align with my children’s perspectives of the life events and circumstances that we’d gone through together. At the time, for me as a mom, I wanted nothing more than to do whatever was necessary to ensure my children had as normal a life as possible. I have since learned that normal is an illusion; life is what you make it.
Through massive life changes, our family life was wrought with fear and heartbreak. As you can well imagine, I tried earnestly to be positive and create a happy home. But as parents, we gradually learn that we don’t get to control all things. Like most mothers, I wanted desperately to protect my kids from pain and not burden them with my many worries. Unbeknownst to me, it had backfired, and years later they let me know it.
They shared that my “rose-tinted glasses” and persistent positivity had prevented us from talking about the hard stuff. As a result, it thwarted their communication skills for being vulnerable, authentic, and raw. It left too many things unsaid which would have helped us all heal faster and be healthier had we talked openly and shed the tears together. If I had known better, I would have done better. I know better now, and this can serve a purpose for you and your life, especially when faced with seemingly irreconcilable circumstances.
The Miracle of Readdressing
Opening this conversation has allowed each of the three of us a fresh opportunity to share our thoughts and feelings. Our love and loyalty for each other provided the emotional safety necessary to be vulnerable, authentic, and honest. Readdressing will serve to improve the quality of our communication for years to come, and help us continue important healing. It is the exponential Power of Re3!
My friend Cheri shares a secret sauce which she says can move mountains to heal relationships. It’s worked for us, so I encourage you to try this. She says that to successfully readdress an issue, it takes these three intentional conversations:
- First, a person says what they need to say.
- Second, the other person gets the opportunity to listen and then respond.
- Third, both parties come together again to state their understanding, convey what they want to change, and reach an agreement on where to go from there.
How many conversations do you regret not having and wish you could go back to and make right? Sadly, it’s often too late!
This is a prime example. One of Cheri’s clients wanted to be a professional fisherman. When he approached his father for financial support, his dad said, “No.” He was devastated and wanted to give up. Cheri explained that that was only the first conversation and asked, “What might a second conversation sound like?”
In the second conversation, his father shared his belief that he should figure things out for himself and brainstorm on how to accomplish his goals on his own.
Finally, in the third conversation, the son finally spoke his truth. He told his father of the ways in which he had let him down, and how desperately he had always tried to get his validation and support. In this third conversation, he also said, “Dad, all I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me and support me.”
An honest understanding grew between them, and shortly thereafter, his father was diagnosed with leukemia and died within three months. If they had not moved through these steps of readdressing, their discord would never have been resolved.
Readdress By Having a Crucial Conversation
What crucial conversations need to be readdressed in your personal and professional relationships for you to gain peace, clarity, and resolution? Muster your courage, create the time and quiet space, and follow the steps above to begin to readdress what needs to be communicated and healed between you and another valued person in your life.
This blog is an excerpt from her new book, Release the Power of Re3 . . . Review, Redo & Renew for Positive Change & Transformation. To learn more, please visit www.SusanCYoung.com or www.amazon.com/author/susancyoung.
