“I know of nothing more valuable, when it comes to the all-important virtue of authenticity, than simply being who you are.”
I am a recovering perfectionist, and like all in recovery, I do better some days than others! I have a friend who strives for perfection in all things. I have no idea how she does it. She always looks amazing. She is the whole package! Regardless of whether she is exercising, at the grocery store, or sweating in the sun at her child’s ball game, she looks ‘all together.’ Being so darned perfect all the time makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable. They think she’s wearing a mask and they don’t think she is authentic, real. Even though she is genuinely very nice, they are intimidated by her need for personal perfection.
ASK YOURSELF: Do you generally feel uncomfortable around people whom you perceive to be perfect? Is there really such a thing as the perfect person? The perfect weight? The perfect shade of skin? Of course not! Our flaws are often what differentiate us from each other, and no person is perfect.
Brené Brown, Ph.D. is a respected thought leader who teaches the power of vulnerability and authenticity, bringing deeper understanding to our inner shame. If you have never seen her TED Talks, do yourself a favor and listen to her meaningful messages today. She gives everyone permission to simply be themselves. She quickly earns trust, respect, and affection through her own wholesome sincerity and transparent imperfections.
Dr. Brown shares, “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be embracing who we are.” Why are we so critical of ourselves? We would all endure a lot less suffering if we would simply love and accept ourselves in all our imperfections.
In their book, Forget Perfect! authors Lisa Earle McLeod and Jo Ann Swan celebrate imperfection by providing a true and likely scenario. Imagine that you have just woken up. You have bad breath, messy hair, and are still in your pajamas with smeared make-up. You decide to sneak outside to grab your newspaper. As you are tiptoeing quietly down your sidewalk, you realize that you have locked yourself out of your house.
Which neighbor will you go to go to ask for help? The one to the left, who is perfectly coifed without a hair out of place, has an immaculate yard, the perfect children, the perfect husband, the perfect figure, and more . . . at least seemingly. Or will you knock on the door of the neighbor to your right with four kids, dogs barking, a messy house, a sink full of dishes, and baby throw-up on her shoulder?
If you are like me, you would go to the neighbor whose life is real, authentic, messy, and in my opinion—amazing. Why? Because she is authentic. She is so secure in her beautifully imperfect self that she would welcome you with open arms, no judgment, and complete acceptance.
“Authentic people are so comfortable in their own skins they make us more comfortable in our own.”
Interestingly, being yourself allows others to be themselves. Even with crazy imperfections, being a bona fide genuine person is the best any of us can be—messy flaws and all!
As I mentioned earlier, moving to the Midwest from Florida was a major life change for me. The transition, however, was made easier by the authentic and friendly attitudes of the people who live here. “Midwest Nice” is true! I have repeatedly experienced their sincere kindness, caring, low-key attitude, and acceptance.
When my friend Jackie lived in a rich section of Atlanta, she felt pressured to wear the right shoes, drive the right car, sport the right hairstyle, and dress a certain way to fit in and be accepted. When she moved to Madison, she found that it didn’t matter how she showed up. As long as she showed up as her real and authentic self she would be warmly embraced.
Admittedly, there will be times when you must interact on a superficial level and adjust your behavior to fit in, go along and get along. Not everyone is always going to like you. What impresses one person may turn another away. To thine own self be true. Living in alignment with your true self enables you to cultivate transparency and unshakable authenticity.
This article is an excerpt from Positive Impact & Change Expert Susan Young’s new book The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact . . . 8 Ways to Shine Bright to Transform Relationship Results. To learn more, please visit https://susancyoung.com/store/art-of-first-impressions-for-positive-impact/.
