“Always be a first-rate version of yourself and not a second-rate version of someone else.”
–Judy Garland
The challenge of being authentic for people pleasers is that we really want people to like and accept us. Being vulnerable, however, requires that we come to terms with the fact that not everyone is going to like us, and that it is okay. Not everyone needs to like us.
ASK YOURSELF: Do you really want people to like you for something that you’re not? It takes a lot of energy to pretend to be someone else for the sake of pleasing others.
Teenagers especially go through this when they are trying to be accepted and fit in. As a lifetime people pleaser, I remember trying to mold myself into the person I thought other people wanted me to be—all for the sake of being liked and accepted. As a young girl, I allowed my self-esteem to be determined by others’ opinions, and I devoted incredible energy tuning into how everyone else felt. I wanted to win them over to the “Susan Fan Club,” and when I failed, I was devastated.
Why did I think that the mask was a better portrayal than my authentic self? We can get hidden under layers of illusion, can’t we?
I love to make people happy, choose to be positive, and usually have a joyful heart. Do you? While you would think my energy, enthusiasm, and passion would be great virtues, it annoys the hell out of some folks. I especially irritate negative, cynical spirit suckers who may think my eternal optimism is unrealistic and insincere. Oh well. I don’t want to shut down and stop being happy to accommodate someone else. I’ve gotten to a point in life to understand that not everyone is going to like me. After all, I don’t always like everyone either. That’s life!
After I hit fifty, a friend of mine said, “Susan, this a great place to be because everything is either a “Hell yeah!” or a “Hell no!” I said, “You’re right! You really can say no without regrets.” Being my authentic self frees me to live out my priorities. I feel the relief. I don’t waste time any longer saying yes to someone else’s priorities just to receive their accolades and acceptance.
Additionally, being authentic means accepting other people for who they are in their own individuality.
“Authenticity isn’t just about saying “this is who I am.” It is also about being flexible enough to recognize and appreciate the uniqueness in others and honoring the mutual respect for being authentic and true.”
Positive Impact & Change Expert Susan C Young’s keynotes and workshops inspire leaders and teams to Boost Positivity, Improve Engagement and Transform Their Teams to make a POSITIVE IMPACT in life and business (SusanCYoung.com).
This is article is an excerpt from Positive Impact & Change Expert Susan Young’s new book The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact . . . 8 Ways to Shine Bright to Transform Relationship Results. Visit amazon.com/author/susancyoung and to learn more.
